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Marriage having problems, please help?
I am stuck in the grid of life, lots of debt, my husband is not a bad person, I just cannot talk to him. I try and try and he always turns everything into a discussion (argument). He is not abusive phyiscally, I just feel so emotionally lonely. We have 2 great kids 15 and 13, they are doing well, so I am very lucky, but I suffer depression and have done for years on and off. As I lost a 3 child giving birth and lost my uterus at the time. I know I am a lucky person, but my husband and I are so different. I am a very creative person, he is a miltary person, very different. I love to laugh and have fun,garden, paint, renovate, he loves to watch war movies. Counselling I have joined groups, I play soccer to keep fit and he is very fit. But still it is like we lead separate livies. I feel so lonely as I cannot talk to him and we have moved around due to his job alot in the last few years. Now we are settled in a lovely home, but I cannot communicate with him. Please help me.
Im sorry your going through this.
When my spouse and I used to always argue when we talked, we started writting emails to eachother. It sounds really stupid, but I think this may be a good option for you, since reading your question, is really moving and not saying a bad thing about your husband. I bet if he was to read this it wouldnt start an arguement. Just when your talking you sometimes cant get things out properly, or you start crying or raising your voice and then it turns into a fight because the other person thinks your blaming them and gets defensive.
We would argue every time I wanted to tell him how I felt. I thought he jsut didnt give a shit. Then one day I wrote him an email, and he replied back very nicely. And told me his problems, and I replied back again.
Once we were arguing on a Sunday and we were both home, and just kept going back and forth alternating the computer writting eachother how we felt. It sounds really silly, but we worked out a huge fight without yelling at eachother.
And now we are alot better about expressing our feelings, i havent had to write an email to him in over a year. But sometimes you just need to know how the other one feels. And I would suggest writting him an email. And if it starts a fight or it doesnt work then atleast then he will know how you feel. Theres a difference when someone is talking to you and your either getting defensive, or watching t.v. or just not interested. And then reading an email you concentrate on every word. I really think its a great way for people with communication problems. It worked for us wonderfully.
Other then that maybe you can try to find something you both enjoy. My husband was really into science fiction movies and t.v. shows, and they drove me crazy. But I would sit down and watch them with him just to be with him, and make comments about the show and I mean he started to get more interested in stuff I liked.
If it still doesnt work, but you love your husband and dont want a divorce, I would suggest finding a really good friend that you can relate to. My friend is an army wife, and has the same problem. She made friends with another ex army wife and they do everything together.
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